Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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