My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
