I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
