Whod you bang
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
