It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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