Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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