Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
