Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize