i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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