a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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