Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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