Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
