Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
