Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
