So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
