I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Houston, we have a squirter
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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