If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize