Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
