I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
