I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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