Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
