your parents love me but you hate me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
