Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
