i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
