Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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