two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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