Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize