I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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