he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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