While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
