id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
