Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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