Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
