You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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