Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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