Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
