you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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