I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
