I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm getting married
To pizza
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
