no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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