They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dicks are not precious.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
