how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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