Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
