Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
