Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
