Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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