If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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