God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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