so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If I die, sorry about rent.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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