Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
