..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
