non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
