Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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