i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
