even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
