Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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