There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
