We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
