I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
