Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
