How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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