I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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