I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize