we have officially lost it.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
