No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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