You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
did you just send me my own nude
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
