yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
