That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
