I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
