Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize