3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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