she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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