So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
