a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize