I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
