Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
