I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
this hospital has no fireball
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