how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
