he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
