And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you will always have a special place in my vag
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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