i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
