my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
