This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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