Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
