I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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