Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
